Thu, 03 Feb 2005 06:50:38 GMT

Letter to Larry:

So...

I was thinking it was kinda rude, kinda strange, and somewhat startlingly prompt of you to take Tara off the cast page without a single "official" e-mail on the matter. Tara may be off cast (sadly, at that), but there are likely many castmembers not aware of it, and suddenly she's off the page?

I didn't want to send this to group since it's only to you, but I wanted to voice that I found that pretty tactless and inconsiderate to Tara's feelings, or cast awareness. Nate, Chad, Allyson, Ralph, Teresa, and even Wednesday months late were given an official e-mail notice beforehand to the group.

So, yeah. Didn't like that. Don't think that I'm alone in it, either.

-- George

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 09:31:20 GMT

The reason I'm not posting this at my other journal is because it's not completely available news. Matt says that he doesn't want his sister to find out just yet, and I'm more confidant in her web ability than he is. However, I know I can trust this filter ('cause I'd tell you on in person), so I need to dish. Because I will crack open if I don't.

With Matt, I've been very indifferent, almost stoic about the issue, but I assure all that is not the case. When I get myself thinking about it, I get positively rabbit-like in my movements. I twitch, I play with my hands, and sort of move my body around in anticipation.

I may be a homeowner soon. And that is adult, and grown-up and SCARY. I have never owned a house before, and while I wouldn't be owning it alone, it's a HUGE THING. It's like getting married.

When I moved in with Matt --and when I say moved, I mean literally myself and barely anything I own-- it was great. But it's never been MINE, and I think he understands that. If anything, it's not his either. It's the company's. It's the office. We're squatters. But there's hope; just in case-- rope!

Matt discovered that he has stock that's worth a lot of money. Like, a LOT of money. Nothing millionaire-worthy (yet), but certainly out-of-dodge. His aunt is moving to Massachussetts, and her house is up for potential sale-- to us. And we might not buy it, but rent it instead because buying it would require a loan we cannot afford. Ironically, Matt could probably afford the loan by himself (or at least get a good one based on his credit), but the two of us cannot because I have no credit. But Matt is being amazing and wonderful and not saying "Well, then the house is mine, mwahahaha" (although he might now, if he reads that just to spite me), and instead WANTS me to have the house with him.

Ok, one moment about that. He wants to live with me. Like, not just let me stay with him. He wants to actually have a house with me, and live together for possibly ever. Let me just say that this is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. And it involves real estate, so that's funky. He wants me to co-own, to have a say, to have it be OUR house. And for some reason, that just strikes me as awesome. Like really... powerful stuff. It is essentially us getting married. Matt saying he wants to own a house with me is practically gay marriage. In fact, it's better. Because it's multi-floor.

So, I keep thinking about the house. I like the house. A lot, actually. And not just because it's the first house we've ever been offered, but because I am already imagining holding Oscar and Christmas parties at that house. Where bookcases are going. Which room is going to be the "Rocky Room." All that. It is thrilling and killing me at the same time.

Because what if it doesn't happen. What if it's all a big mess that collapses. What if I really can't afford it? I mean, I know the house brings up lots of other things... mortages, utilities, property taxes. I don't want Matt to pay for everything; I want it to be OURS. I mentioned the possibilty of me needing money for a house to Dad at Christmas. He all but ignored me. Possibly because it brought a discussion immediately after about our family that was far more amusing, but still. Qualifying for a loan from my father and from a loan agency are two different things. I've never asked for something from my father like this. I didn't get college money from him, or even asked him for money since the divorce. Joyce doesn't know yet. She wants me to go back to school, but I can't yet. I wouldn't be able to til after the house was either acquired by rental or complete buying. I don't know how to ask for this. Or even if I want to.

I'm holding my breath for the moment because it's still airborne. Matt and I actually sat down and discussed monthly payments. Rental, with everything else we pay for, would be about $1000 each. And that's doable, really.

Very shortly, I will be splitting my savings into a checking account. Whatever goes into the savings is for spending only on housing and things of that nature. I've never really budgeted before. This is going to be very strange and scary and likely exciting.

I want to live in that house so badly.

d r o w n i n g